I can't allow myself to feel,
because if I feel,
I will feel way too much...

The Gold Star

You know what they say about lesbians and long nails,
There is something so fascinating about the gold star lesbian,
That woman who has never been nutted into,
Her only contact with the D is wrapped in silicon,
There is something about this woman,
So sure of her orientation it makes me cringe with envy,
There is something so liberating about her,
Something so empowered about her thought process,
Not dogged by heteronormative standards,
She never felt the need to confirm,
The grass was always greener on her side,
Something about the gold star that makes her so authoritative,
So authentic,
So genuine,
So untainted,
Such a breathe of fresh air she is,
The gold star is indeed proof in my eyes that being gay is far from a lifestyle choice,
We are coded this way!!!!

Light and Dark!!!!

Perfectly stitched together,
We are one,
We are mostly never good for each other,
Our bond so close,
We cannot do without each other,
A perfect cocktail of good and bad,
Dark and light,
Sane and insane,
Mostly insane,
One works best in the light,
But when dusk begins to set in,
When the lights go out and no one is looking,
The insane comes out to play,
Working so intricately behind the scenes,
Makes decisions even when I am not aware,
That's the broken side of me,
The beautifully broken part of me,
We are one,
I cannot help it,
My biggest critic and cheerleader,
Meshed in one body,
One mind,
One thought process,
I love and hate that we are one,
Take a razor and cut out one,
Like Romeo and Juliet we shall die together,
But one always wins,
The devil on my shoulder...perhaps!!!!

Red lips and mascara

The last stroke of my mascara wand,
Press my lips for my red lip to look complete,
Stare at the mirror,
A reflection of which the outside doesn't match the in,
I stare a little longer,
To catch a glimpse,
But all I see is less than perfect,
Waaaay less than perfect,
I dull my ciggy,
I take my last sip of my drink,
Looking for perfection at the bottom of my glass,
Like a child so eager to impress,
I run to my boss with my best work in check,
Perfection no where to be found,
I take a deep breathe,
Appreciate what the good lord has done,
Perfection!Perfection!!!where at thou?
Music booming,laughs and laughs and laughs,
Clink!clink!clink!!!cheers my good man,
Perfection ever so fleeting,
She curses me out at the fuck up I am,
She calls me out on the bullshit I have done,
It's perfection my love,
That's what I strive to achieve,
Beautifully broken that's what it is,
Oh!perfection,
Oooooh!!! Perfection,
your one that can never be achieved..

When it rains it pours...

There is something very soothing about the sound of the rain,

Lighting a cigarette when its raining is very calming,

And there is something equally as fucked up when you cannot help but feel like your drowning,

Like your life is a constant battle of trying to keep your head above the water.

The Alphabet

I was sitting in a room one day and the queer story came about. It began like L...G...B...T...Q...I...oh!did you know there is a P as well, I also heard that there is an A somewhere. Then someones shouts from across the room "Is it the freaking Alphabet". I just burst out laughing.

This brings me to my current story. I was with a couple of queer folk last night and something about that space really intrigued me. I was observing, like I always do..haha..stalker much. Anyway, in a single sitting i was around dykes of course, effeminate cute gay dudes, a pansexual, an intersex person, a gender non conformist and get this a gold star lesbian who is currently in a relationship with a trans man. Somebody say hallelujah!!!! In a single sitting I was in the Mecca of queer diversity.

This got me thinking about gender fluidity and how jelly queer folk are. I love it. I was so excited because it took me back to a time at a party when a gay friend of mine told me that he would not mind shagging an androgynous butch dyke. I met other gay dudes who loooooove boobies. They love a girl with a nice set of tits. How crazy is that? I love how queer folk are not afraid to be fluid. They are not trapped in the box that heteronormativity locks people down in. I mean, after yesterday when you say your straight, yaaaaaawn!!!! It is so boring to only have sex with a woman or a man. Straights never stray outside the box and that is so boring. Not to be gender fluid is sooooooo boring.

I must admit, for me there is something about trans women that is so fucking hot. If I ever crossed paths with one...damn!!I don't think I would hesitate..haha..
Gender fluidity is crazy interesting. I love it. I love the slight hint of rebellion. I love that the box society puts us in has no match for us gender fluid folk. I love it. Yesterday opened my eyes to a world I only thought was fiction. I will definitely begin to read more on the Q.T.I.A.P side of being queer. My curiosity is peaked. I love it.

Cupids stupid little bows....

Like a thief in the night,
You crept into my heart,
Something I did not see coming,
Love,
Something I had convinced myself that I am incapable of feeling,
An action I have resisted,
This ice queens heart just melted away,
Trying to refreeze but I cannot,
My heart is so warm no longer an ice box,
I am in love with you,
I am done falling,
Cupid and his stupid little bows definitely got me,
I heart you my baby,
I love you with all of me Tina...


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