Chaotic

I tend to get lost in other people's worlds,
I like to get submerged in other people's chaos,
I cannot really say it is a love of helping,
It is more of a lack of control,
I struggle to find control in how much is too much,
How much chaos can I take before I begin to start drowning,
Or is it the drowning I like?
I don't know,
Only recently did I learn what it means to detach,
To be immersed in the chaos but to live your life to the fullest,
That is a weird concept,
My mind struggles to wrap around,
At what point does being selfish with yourself become an option to take,
At what point does the drowning stop becoming fun,
At what point does too much become too much,
Who do I get permission from to detach?
Who tells me to slow down?
Who takes away the chaos if I separate myself from it?
Or am I addicted to the chaos?
Do I get a rush of excitement when cookies crumble,
Then curl into foetal position and ball my eyes out because the drowning has began,
Am I escaping from my life when I immerse myself in chaos,
Or trying to get a twisted kind of validity,
Or resilience being a strong suit can't help but want to stick around,
Oh!chaos you will be the death of me,
I love you but detest you equally as much....