Binary

When it comes to gender, people who argue for the third sex school of thought, argue from the point that the current gender position is that of binary. Binary meaning that the only choices you are given are that of male and female. This however, is not that blog.

In the recent past I have began to notice that sex is also quite the binary notion. By sex I mean that act that that the bible tells you not to have before marriage, the act your folks try to act like is not happening, the act that society makes you feel ashamed of, the act that individuals want to prove is not happening in their lives...in short... that act where you are both naked and giving each other pleasure.

I am the kind of person who is constantly reading about sex, I listen to this amazing sex positive podcast by a guy called Dan Savage. The kind of calls he receives proves that sex has been presented as a binary notion.

Masturbation is a privilege of the male species. Society has affirmed and made it fine for men to jerk off, be in touch with their member and know how to pleasure themselves in turn being aware of what pleasure feels like. Women on the other hand, are few and far between who touch themselves. I have had conversations with very sexual very horny women but they are very awkward about the idea of touching themselves. Being in touch with their clit, their vaginas, and their femininity is a very foreign concept to them. How do you know what you like in bed if you don’t touch yourself? How do you know how to pleasure another woman if you are not in touch, both literally and figuratively, with yourself?

“Show me your porn and I will tell you who you are,” is a stupid mantra I have. For me it denotes kink...people are crazy kinky and the porn they watch is such an indicator of how kinky their mind is...lol!! Again, porn is such a binary notion. It is ok for men to have porn collections, to watch porn and eventually jerk off to. Women on the other hand are weird around porn. I have met very few chics who are open about watching porn and the porn they have. Like what is so wrong with watching porn? Minus the fact that lesbian porn is shot for the male audience, there are so many other porn types that queer women can fall in love with, and pick up some moves, jerk off to and the cherry on top..cum...

Fetishes, three quarter of them are classified a mental illness the other quarter are not utilised because of the stigma surrounding having a fetish. Sex as a binary has been made to look like if you like leather or feet or bondage or dominance-submission or pain there is something wrong with you. Why is it that if your mind is not locked down to missionary or scissoring then there is something wrong with you? Why has sex been made to feel so constricted...so binary. Fetishes are cool, they are sexy, and they are dynamic...they open up new levels of orgasmic...

Homo vs Hetero sex is definitely the biggest binary notion of sex. It is so difficult for heterosexual people to wrap their heads around gay sex because of the binary that is man to woman sex. It is so difficult for most of them to understand gay people as people because they are so stuck on the sexual act. For men who have sex with men, the constant mental block is anal sex. But my argument has always been, there are by far more straight than gay people in the world, therefore based on numbers, there are more straight people having anal sex than all the gay men in the world combined. For women who have sex with women, the constant argument is that is not sex, it’s foreplay, there is no dick so how can that be sex? Trust me as a queer woman, I can attest to the fact that just because there is no dick, there is plenty of cuming, connecting and sex happening.

Sex toys have for the longest time been an issue that most people are very weird about. Sex toys come in literally all shapes and sizes and they are meant for fun. Sex toys have also been thrown in a binary position where women who have sex with women are left with a bad taste in their mouths after that annoying question, “why would you use a strap on (or any other sex toy) and you claim don’t need a man?” My answer, because a sex toy is just that, a toy. Where toys ever created for particular people to play with....guess not...

Society has locked everything down; let sex be, let people express themselves in whatever ways they want to. Let people cum...gaddammit!!!