Definition of love...

Maybe this is my happy place,
This corner at my local where I sit and mind my own business,
Maybe this is where I feel inspired to write,
Beer and ciggy in hand,
Or maybe it's the waitress with come fuck me boobs,
I just want to staaaaare....
I digress.....
I was having a sappy convo with a friend a while back,
Sappy equals "have you ever been in love?" type of questions,
And this has stuck with me for a while now,
Like really stuck,
Mainly because I have been throwing around the phrase I love you
without really considering what it means to me...
Love is such a broad word,
I have never thought about actually defining it for myself,
Defining it would actually make my life easier in terms of actually knowing
knowing what I want,
Knowing when cupid strikes...
I get lost in lust...then brand it love...
I don't really know how to define love
rather where to start...
I know it is a beautiful thing
I know for sure that my super logical mind gets super stupid...
more like stuck on stupid...
I know that my emotional centre is more dead than alive,
But I could swear that I have been in love,
at least I hope that's what it was...
I know that I am a sapiosexual...
Fuck my mind and my pussy will be dripping for you...
I know that ambition and drive turns me on...
I know that I don't give a fuck about physical aesthetic...
But I am definitely not one of those it's what's on the inside that matters...
Because some insides are not worth the matter...
I now know that love is not a feeling...
it is a deliberate choice to invest in another human being your mind, body and soul,
it is the deliberate choice to trust another even when you do not trust yourself,
it is the deliberate choice to be loyal even when that loyalty is to a fault,
it is that deliberate choice to let another have a glimpse into the parts of you that even you don't like to venture into,
those dark dark spaces,
those spaces that keep you escaping reality...self medicating...
it is the deliberate choice to be kind, to be true, to connect, to be one with another,
it is the deliberate choice to be vulnerable...
to let that guard down...
it is the deliberate choice to get each others politics...have an open mind to allow
yourself to learn and even when we wont let up,stuck solely on our points of view...agreeing to disagree is just fine...
it is the deliberate choice to love so hard, have your heart broken...get up..and love harder...
So what does love really mean to me?
Love is a deliberate choice...not a feeling...

Come with every wound and every

woman you've ever loved;

every lie you've ever told and

whatever it is that keeps you up at night.

Every mouth you've punched in, all the blood

you've ever tasted. Come with every enemy you've ever made

and all the family you've ever buried and every

dirty thing you've ever done; every drink that's

burnt your throat and every morning you've 

woken with nothing and no one. 

 Come with all your loss, your regrets, sins, 

memories, black outs, secrets.

I've never seen anything more beautiful than you.

Warsan Shire