Eeeeeeeeeerm!!! I am a cured cynic. I know that sounds extremely weird but I swear I am cured cynic. This weekend has been extremely unexpected. I attended something called the Landmark Forum and on Friday I remember thinking..."Oh!God I am going for this self help hulla ballo's." Truth be told I only went because I did not want to deal with the shit the friend who invited me would give me if I failed to go.
So I walk in late and there is this tall Australian man with a deep voice talking. Of course I am like, here goes the palaver. Brain washing kind of bullshit, what the hell am I doing here. Truth is, I was at the end of my rope. It was about that time I heard something I do not know because what I knew was not helping me at all.
The forum begins and there I am feeling like a victim of my past. Of course I have shit going on. Absentee father, alcoholic mother, ungrateful friends, conditional family....dang!!that is is some shit right there. Then here is this man telling me that my story is just that a story. What the fuck dude, this bitch right here has some maaaaajor issues....or so I thought....
There is a major difference between what actually happened and how I interpreted the facts of what actually happened. For 23 fucking years I have lived in the dramatic interpretation of my story. In the vicious cycle of constantly complaining and my blog has actually been complaint after complaint after complaint. Fuck! I realised this weekend that all I ever did was complain...I literally have a doctorate in complaining.
That aside I feel like I can finally breathe. I was suffocating in the interpretation of my story and throwing a six year old tantrum. Let me explain this. I learned that my identity as is today is as a result of an interpretation I made of something that happened when I was a child and as a result, all I have been doing since is throwing a tantrum...hahaha...
I appreciate the Landmark Forum because it has given me choice. The choice to be authentic or inauthentic. The choice to be integral or not integral. The choice to say yes or no. Most importantly the refresher button on my life to realize that all this time LIFE WAS IN FACT MEANINGLESS AND I HAVE LIMITLESS POSSIBILITY!!!!!
Stories!! Interpretations!! Rackets!!
Possibilities!Possibilities!!Possibilities!!!!!
So I walk in late and there is this tall Australian man with a deep voice talking. Of course I am like, here goes the palaver. Brain washing kind of bullshit, what the hell am I doing here. Truth is, I was at the end of my rope. It was about that time I heard something I do not know because what I knew was not helping me at all.
The forum begins and there I am feeling like a victim of my past. Of course I have shit going on. Absentee father, alcoholic mother, ungrateful friends, conditional family....dang!!that is is some shit right there. Then here is this man telling me that my story is just that a story. What the fuck dude, this bitch right here has some maaaaajor issues....or so I thought....
There is a major difference between what actually happened and how I interpreted the facts of what actually happened. For 23 fucking years I have lived in the dramatic interpretation of my story. In the vicious cycle of constantly complaining and my blog has actually been complaint after complaint after complaint. Fuck! I realised this weekend that all I ever did was complain...I literally have a doctorate in complaining.
That aside I feel like I can finally breathe. I was suffocating in the interpretation of my story and throwing a six year old tantrum. Let me explain this. I learned that my identity as is today is as a result of an interpretation I made of something that happened when I was a child and as a result, all I have been doing since is throwing a tantrum...hahaha...
I appreciate the Landmark Forum because it has given me choice. The choice to be authentic or inauthentic. The choice to be integral or not integral. The choice to say yes or no. Most importantly the refresher button on my life to realize that all this time LIFE WAS IN FACT MEANINGLESS AND I HAVE LIMITLESS POSSIBILITY!!!!!
Stories!! Interpretations!! Rackets!!
Possibilities!Possibilities!!Possibilities!!!!!
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